Recap #88 – Blood Rage (1987)

Title: Blood Rage (aka Slasher)

Director: John Grissmer

Released: March 29, 1987 (filmed in 1983, or possibly 84?)

Description: Twins Todd and Terry seem like sweet boys – that is, until one of them takes an axe to the face of a fellow patron at the local drive-in. Todd is blamed for the bloody crime and institutionalized, whilst twin brother Terry goes free. Ten years later, as the family gathers around the table for a Thanksgiving meal, the news comes in that Todd has escaped. But has the real killer in fact been in their midst all along? One thing’s for sure, there will be blood and rage! – via Anonymous on IMDb

Nostalgia Time!

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Okay, so. I’ve never seen this before. In fact, I meant to have this recap done and posted on Thanksgiving, but . . . well, have you met me? (No, most likely you have not. Hi. I procrastinate and never get shit done on time unless someone forces me to! Nice to meet you!) There is a massive dearth of Thanksgiving horror movies, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to torture myself with Thankskilling. I tried to watch that movie years ago. I tapped out after the anthropomorphic turkey chased a busty pilgrim woman into the woods, where her tripping and falling down caused her dress to fall down, exposing her breasts for our pleasure, thus inspiring the turkey to announce, “Nice tits, bitch!” (I’m never recapping that movie, and you can’t make me. Oh, God, I’m going to end up recapping it at some point, aren’t I?)

This movie, though . . . I forget exactly how, but it was on my radar because Ted Raimi appears in it for about 30 seconds in the opening sequence. I had at some point watched the very beginning of this movie for that scene alone, and then not bothered to watch the rest of it. At some point after that, or maybe before that, it’s all a little fuzzy now, a horror podcast I listen to, appropriately named The Horror Show, covered this movie. I listened to that episode, I know I did, and yet I don’t really remember any details about this movie. So I’m going in fresh, having never seen this before, recapping as I go. Unusual since I almost always do a pre-watch, but the original idea was to do this fast and get it posted on Thanksgiving, and I had this idea literally a couple days before Thanksgiving. Well, I plan, and the universe laughs its ass off at me.

Here we go!

Recap #87 – Lights Out by Bernard O’Keane

Title: Lights Out

Author: Bernard O’Keane (aka Bernard Yee)

Series: Baby-Sitter’s Nightmares

Published: August 1995

Tagline: It only comes out at night . . . [Well, that’s a lie . . .]

Description: A thirst for blood.

Something is coming for Moira.

Something hungry.

Something evil.

Something that can’t be stopped . . .

Nostalgia Time!

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Well, guys, it’s time for the second recap of Babysitters In Peril month here at Oh God Why?! Nostalgia Reviews! This is book three of four total books in the Baby-Sitter’s Nightmares series. The only connection any of these books had to others in the series is that they all featured babysitters . . . in peril. I own all four books, but haven’t gotten around to reading the last one yet, however I can say that the three I have read are all top-notch stories. I have no idea why the series didn’t continue. There were a lot of series like this in the 90s that got buried under Point Horror and Fear Street, and it makes me sad. I’d love to bring more attention to some of these high-quality but short-lived series.

About this book specifically, both it and my favorite in the series, The Evil Child, came from my basement box of teen/childhood books. All I remembered about it was a camping trip, and a genetically engineered dog. Not that you’d surmise any of that from the back-of-book description. My one complaint about these books is that whoever wrote the copy for the back did a fairly shit job of it.

After rereading this for the first time in probably close to 25 years, it’s basically Man’s Best Friend meets Watchers lite. It’s a solid, entertaining story in its own right, and I’m happy to be diving into this one, especially after dealing with Stine last time out.

Note: Content warning for animal death (in addition to human death).

Recap #80 – The Crush by Jo Gibson (Scream #8)

Title: The Crush

Series: Scream

Author: Jo Gibson

Published: 1994

Tagline: If she can’t have him, no one else can!

Description: Michael Barton is smart, sweet, gorgeous – the total package. Which is why some of the girls have decided to have a little contest. Whoever hooks up with Michael first will be the winner. There’s just one problem. One of the girls has been harboring a secret crush on Michael for years. She’ll do anything to be his girlfriend. She’ll play the game. She’ll win his heart. She’ll beat the competition . . . to death.

Nostalgia Time!

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Okay, looking at that description, I just have to ask who the fuck Michael Barton is. The character’s name in the book is Michael Warden. And the copy I took the description from is a 2014 rerelease 2-in-1 edition (with the sequel god help us all there’s a sequel), so it’s not like they pasted the description in and then Jo changed the name of the character before release . . . anyway, this bodes well, don’t you think? Also, that tagline? Makes it seem like the killer wants to kill Michael. Nope. She’s running around killing all the girls competing to date him. The whole thing is . . . very Jo.

I think this is the penultimate Jo Gibson YA thriller I have left to recap. As far as I can tell, I’ve only got this and its sequel, unless there’s one hiding somewhere that my searches haven’t turned up. She does have some adult “thrillers” (I read one before I realized Joanne Fluke is Jo Gibson. It was meh.), but that’s not really what we do here. So it seems we’re coming to the end of all the joy and blinding rage Jo has provided us. I’m kind of sad. I hope her teen characters who are clearly from another planet have successfully assimilated to Earth culture by The Crush II.

Recap #75 – Virgo: Desperately Yours by Jahnna N. Malcolm

Title: Virgo: Desperately Yours

Series: Zodiac

Author: Jahnna N. Malcolm (aka Jahnna Beecham n’ Malcolm Hillgartner)

Published: August 1995

Tagline: Someone at Fairview High will do anything for attention

Description: A killer deadline.

Even though Virginia Wells doesn’t believe in horoscopes, she does seem to fit the Virgo profile of being neat, precise, and too critical. At least that’s what her staff tells her. But as editor of the Fairview High newspaper, it’s her job to keep everything running smoothly; a job that’s been close to impossible lately.

First there was reporter Kim Keller’s mysterious disappearance, then the major sabotage of the newsroom, including a sliced-up photo splattered with blood. But most eerie of all are the letters coming to the paper’s advice column: bitter and threatening messages that convince Virginia the sender had something to do with what happened to Kim . . . and wants Virginia to join her.

Nostalgia Time!

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Um, yeah. I got nothing. I’m pretty sure the Leo book was the only book I’ve read in this particular Zodiac series, but it’s certainly possible I’ll pick one of these up one day, and much like the Leo book in the Zodiac Chillers series, suddenly remember it fifty pages from the end.

This is not that book. This book is so forgettable, I was forgetting it as I was reading it. I got to the reveal of the killer, and was like, ” . . . who? Oh . . . right, them.” I fell asleep twice while I was reading it. (To be fair, I do tend to fall asleep reading a lot, especially when I’m getting off work at like 3:30 in the morning after almost ten hours at work, but . . . I’m still blaming the book. So there.)

Anyway, yeah. This book is boring AF. I kept waiting for something to happen for the first three quarters of the thing, and finally there was some action, but after roughly 150 pages of absolutely nothing, it felt absurdly tacked on.

You know, it’s really unfair that this sub-par Zodiac series got a full run of 12 books, while the far superior Zodiac Chillers got, what, 6 books? Not even a full zodiac. Boo.

[Note from the future: I started this recap in early September, planning on having it published before the end of the Virgo cycle – Sept. 22. As you can see, that didn’t happen. I recapped the first three pages of the book, then things started getting a little funky, both in a world sense and personally – drama with my mother and her new apartment (and her emotional manipulation and guilt trips); the cat died; we’re dealing with an ongoing flea . . . well, not infestation exactly, but like one step down from an infestation; dealing with terrible people online coming at me; and now I’ve managed to mess up my lower back/hip, probably just by sleeping wrong, IDK, I’ll be forty next year and things are starting to fuck up all over the place. Anyway, I’ve had almost no motivation for recapping, spending my days instead trying to distract myself from existential dread by rewatching Marvel movies. There are some very distracting arms and butts in the MCU. So, here I am finishing this recap after several weeks of sneering at my laptop and ignoring it in favor of Captain America and Thor. (And Loki. Loki 4-Evah.) Hopefully it doesn’t suck. The recap, I mean. The book definitely sucks.]