Recap #75 – Virgo: Desperately Yours by Jahnna N. Malcolm

virgodesperatelyyours

Title: Virgo: Desperately Yours

Series: Zodiac

Author: Jahnna N. Malcolm (aka Jahnna Beecham n’ Malcolm Hillgartner)

Published: August 1995

Tagline: Someone at Fairview High will do anything for attention

Description: A killer deadline.

Even though Virginia Wells doesn’t believe in horoscopes, she does seem to fit the Virgo profile of being neat, precise, and too critical. At least that’s what her staff tells her. But as editor of the Fairview High newspaper, it’s her job to keep everything running smoothly; a job that’s been close to impossible lately.

First there was reporter Kim Keller’s mysterious disappearance, then the major sabotage of the newsroom, including a sliced-up photo splattered with blood. But most eerie of all are the letters coming to the paper’s advice column: bitter and threatening messages that convince Virginia the sender had something to do with what happened to Kim . . . and wants Virginia to join her.

Nostalgia Time!


Um, yeah. I got nothing. I’m pretty sure the Leo book was the only book I’ve read in this particular Zodiac series, but it’s certainly possible I’ll pick one of these up one day, and much like the Leo book in the Zodiac Chillers series, suddenly remember it fifty pages from the end.

This is not that book. This book is so forgettable, I was forgetting it as I was reading it. I got to the reveal of the killer, and was like, ” . . . who? Oh . . . right, them.” I fell asleep twice while I was reading it. (To be fair, I do tend to fall asleep reading a lot, especially when I’m getting off work at like 3:30 in the morning after almost ten hours at work, but . . . I’m still blaming the book. So there.)

Anyway, yeah. This book is boring AF. I kept waiting for something to happen for the first three quarters of the thing, and finally there was some action, but after roughly 150 pages of absolutely nothing, it felt absurdly tacked on.

You know, it’s really unfair that this sub-par Zodiac series got a full run of 12 books, while the far superior Zodiac Chillers got, what, 6 books? Not even a full zodiac. Boo.

[Note from the future: I started this recap in early September, planning on having it published before the end of the Virgo cycle – Sept. 22. As you can see, that didn’t happen. I recapped the first three pages of the book, then things started getting a little funky, both in a world sense and personally – drama with my mother and her new apartment (and her emotional manipulation and guilt trips); the cat died; we’re dealing with an ongoing flea . . . well, not infestation exactly, but like one step down from an infestation; dealing with terrible people online coming at me; and now I’ve managed to mess up my lower back/hip, probably just by sleeping wrong, IDK, I’ll be forty next year and things are starting to fuck up all over the place. Anyway, I’ve had almost no motivation for recapping, spending my days instead trying to distract myself from existential dread by rewatching Marvel movies. There are some very distracting arms and butts in the MCU. So, here I am finishing this recap after several weeks of sneering at my laptop and ignoring it in favor of Captain America and Thor. (And Loki. Loki 4-Evah.) Hopefully it doesn’t suck. The recap, I mean. The book definitely sucks.]

Recap


Just to remind us this is, in fact, a Zodiac series book, we start out with a Virgo horoscope:

“Virgo: Neptune will be puzzling you for some time this week. Stay on your toes! Your ever-logical mind tends to get snagged in the details and miss the Big Picture. No matter how you slice it, there may be a grave misunderstanding here.”

Then we get the actual first line of the book, which is dialogue:

“When is this going to end? Will you ever stop torturing me?”

Huh. Somehow the authors worked in a transcript of my inner thoughts as I read this book.

The voices are coming from inside a wooden outbuilding behind Fairview High that is used as the school newspaper office. It’s not quite eight in the morning, and Virginia Wells is surprised to be overhearing anyone in the office, as school doesn’t start for another 45 minutes. That’s a really late start time for most schools, what the fuck. Like, when I was in kindergarten, we started at nine, but everything from middle school on I want to say was eight AM at the latest.

Anyway, there’s a crash from the office, and Virginia freaks out because someone is destroying her newspaper!!!!111!!!!!1!!!

The door opens and Kim Keller storms out, holding a cardboard box and yelling over her shoulder at someone to leave her alone. Somehow Virginia doesn’t see who’s in the office, and Kim doesn’t see Virginia until she drops the box and V starts trying to help pick up the items that spilled out of it. I guess everyone has very bad eyesight and/or zero peripheral vision.

Kim gets bent out of shape about Virginia (who is sometimes called Ginny, despite not seeming like a girl who would ever want to be called Ginny) trying to help her, and snatches an anklet away from her. V spends half a second asking who Kim was fighting with, then ignores her friend’s obvious distress to start bugging her about the newspaper deadline.

Yes. Your friend is crying and shaking, obviously upset, yelling at you for asking questions and trying to get away to her car to leave, and you’re annoyed that she’s not thinking about the most important thing of all time, the newspaper deadline. Fucking hell, Virginia.

Kim exclaims that some things are more important than the school newspaper, and Virginia does not comprehend this at all. While she tries to puzzle this out, the door to the newspaper office building, which the kids call the Bungalow (the building, not the paper), slams shut, but the girls don’t see anyone so Virginia concludes that someone went in rather than out, and therefore she will never know who Kim was fighting with.

I’ve tweaked my back out since I started this recap and am in a considerable amount of pain. Recapping this idiocy is either going to distract me, or be more painful than my back. Let’s find out together!

Anyway, I have no fucking clue how someone walked right past them without either of them seeing anyone, but sure. I guess everyone has tunnel vision and/or is severely myopic.

Kim takes off to get the fuck away from Virginia, who yells after her wanting to know what she’s supposed to do about her deadline! Virginia. What the fuck is wrong with your priorities, you dingus?

According to Virginia, there are only two types of kids – social, but academic burnouts; and overachievers. She sees herself as the second type. Then she chases Kim to the parking lot to harass her about the newspaper some more, because she left out the third type of kid – entitled stalkers who won’t take no for an answer!

V is mad because if Kim leaves, she won’t be able to write her advice column, Heart to Heart. In response to this harassment, Kim tosses a letter at Virginia. It reads: Dear Heart, I got a lousy grade on my chemistry exam, and I’m sure it’s because Mr. Schwartz doesn’t like me. He’s always calling on me when I don’t know the answers. What should I do? – Stumped.

Kim’s advice is the same as mine was before I turned the page and saw her answer: Dear Stumped, Study.

Hahahahaha! I think I like Kim.

Virginia is less amused and insists she can’t print that! Oh, suck it up, V. Kim shrugs and tells her to toss it, then, and then gets in her car and screams at Virginia to leave her alone when V demands to know when she’ll be back. Then she peels out of the parking lot and Virginia has the nerve to wonder why she’s acting so bizarre.

Virginia. You are the one chasing your friend into the parking lot and screeching about the school paper and you, you, you. Does that sound like normal behavior? Because between the two of you, I’d say you’re the one acting like an asshole weirdo.

Then another set of tires screech out of the parking lot, but Virginia can’t see who it is because it’s a very foggy morning. Convenient.

Virginia sets off on some business for the newspaper advisor, Ms. Burns, and thinks about how frightened Kim was, and wonders what she was so afraid of. So. You knew your friend was scared, and still felt entitled to scream at her about her newspaper duties? Virginia, you suck.

New chapter, new horoscope: “Neat and orderly, you expect those around you to be the same. Watch this obsession. A little chaos every now and then is all right, Virgo. Try not to be too critical. Not everyone has the scientific mind you have. Brace yourself for an unexpected surprise. By week’s end, you gain new insight into a difficult problem.

It’s now one-thirty in the newspaper office, and V is freaking out because deadline is in an hour. Despite us having been told the page before that deadline is at three-thirty. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that is two hours away, not one.

Anyway, apparently there’s a spelling error in the horoscope Emily turned in, and the assistant editor, Jo, warns V to stop correcting it, as Emily is super picky about it. Unless it was somehow an intentional misspelling, I don’t see the problem.

V wonders where the fuck the rest of her staff is (don’t . . . don’t they have class? can you just skip all your classes to get the school paper out? I’m very confused), and this leads to the two of them talking about Kim. Apparently she’s been super moody lately.

Virginia tells Jo her sportsball headline is too boring; Trip McFadden shows up and is told his cartoon was too big so V had to slice some of it off; Emily Wolfe shows up and fiddles with a vase of violets on her desk while telling V that her horoscope column should always be in the same spot in the paper so people know where to find it (“Like an obituary,” Trip helpfully supplies); Emily notices her spelling was corrected and is unhappy about it for some reason; Sam Calhoun shows up and is described as African-American, which I had completely forgotten due to how boring this book is and how many times I fell asleep reading it. But okay, Black people exist in this book, unlike most YA.

Sam’s personality traits seem to be “likes Cheetos” and “computer guy.” Jo crashes a computer and starts yanking on cords, and Sam yells at her not to do that, she could lose everything. Emily informs her that she probably got a virus from “all those disks she borrows.” Okay. Then Virginia screeches at her to retype her article on another computer, because I guess everyone has their own computer, and Jo freaks out and dives for the trashcan because she thinks she threw a draft away earlier. Um. Are we not saving our work to disk? Really? That seems, uh . . . unlikely.

Casey Collier shows up, and apparently she’s the photographer. She doesn’t have the dance photos Virginia wanted to run. Cue more Virginia meltdown. Casey also comes with news about Kim – she overhead the school secretary saying that Kim wouldn’t be coming back. Virginia thinks about how something was obviously troubling Kim, but doesn’t seem to recall that all she did about it was screech about her own needs. Emily says that Kim was a Gemini, and Geminis are very changeable. Then V wonders if this was the “unexpected surprise” her horoscope mentioned, and laments the fact that she thought a surprise usually meant something positive.

Maybe she’s right. It sure would be a pleasant surprise if I didn’t hate everyone in this book. Unfortunately . . . .

Emily argues that horoscopes are totes for real, y’all, and tells a story about her horoscope predicting something magical happening last August, and it did – her boyfriend picked a perfect rose from her secret garden. That’s what she calls the greenhouse in her backyard. She’s definitely not talking about her vagina.

Virginia is bummed that even “strange Emily” has a boyfriend. And now, even though Emily has been described as being ultra-feminine and having blonde, curly hair, I’m picturing this:

emilythestrange

Sorry, not sorry.

They talk for a while about the accuracy/inaccuracy of horoscopes, finding out that Trip is a Leo (hi, horoscope twin!), Emily is a Pisces, and Jo is a Scorpio. None of this comes into play in any way whatsoever, but I thought I’d recap it anyway, since this is ostensibly a Zodiac book. In reality, horoscopes aren’t a huge part of this the way they were in the Leo book.

Suddenly Jo asks who’s going to write Kim’s advice column, and Virginia freaks the fuck out running around the room looking for the Heart to Heart letters. Sam basically finds them for her (after finishing a bag of pretzels, so I guess he’s an equal-opportunity snacker), and she has no idea how she would answer the first letter she runs across, which is from a girl whose boyfriend flirts with other girls. Should she dump him? How the fuck should Virginia know?!

She flips through the letters looking for one she might possibly be able to answer, and finds one that creepily reads:

If you cut me, I will bleed. If you hurt me – I will die. He hurt me. My heart aches. I am dying. I want him to know my pain.

~ Desperate

Virginia thinks that whoever wrote it is either seriously disturbed, or a sick practical joker. Either way, it creeps her out.

I mean, okay. I would be worried, but not “Oh shit we’re all gonna die!” worried. I would be more worried it was a suicide note, honestly.

Sometime later (same day? next day? who needs to know?), Virginia is unloading groceries from her mom’s car and drooling over hot next-door neighbor Jake Morris. She tells us he looks drop-dead gorgeous in baggy tweeds, a turtleneck, and a fisherman’s sweater. I am skeptical. First of all, “baggy tweeds” do not sound hot. “Mmm, his pants were so baggy, like he’d just dropped a steaming hot load in his diaper.” See? Not hot. Second, what the fuck is a fisherman’s sweater? *runs off to the Googles*

Oh. It’s basically the sweater Chris Evans was wearing in Knives Out. Actually, what Jake’s wearing sounds like Chris Evans’s whole outfit in that movie. I may grudgingly have to reevaluate the hotness of this outfit after all.

Also, as I was googling this, I discovered that Chris Evans got his dog a matching sweater, and now I’m cracking up over this. I mean:

chris-evans-sweater
Totally safe for work. Unlike *ahem* some OTHER Chris Evans photos that have been going around recently.

Apparently Jake and Virginia used to be buddies, but now she’s been downgraded to “girl next door who hangs out the window, drooling while Jake mows the lawn shirtless.” (I didn’t make that up. It’s in the book. V is kinda pervy.)

Jake is additionally described as tall, broad-shouldered, sandy hair, green eyes, and holy shit, I think the author(s) actually is describing Chris Evans? Except this was 1995 so he would have been 14. Sigh, okay, we’re just describing “generic hot guy,” aren’t we?

Listen, my ramblings are much more interesting than this boring-ass book, okay?

Jake spots Virginia and comes over. Luckily she has time to hide the grocery bag with the toilet paper in it, because god forbid he find out that girls poop. She thinks he’s inviting her to the sportsball game tonight (basketball, it’s basketball) and they mention either a town or school called Ferndale. As a kid, I lived not-too-far from Ferndale, California, so I got really excited for a second. I still have no idea what state this story actually takes place in.

Anyway, Jake wasn’t asking her on a date after all, because Tiffany Something-or-Other is waiting in his (running) car for him. Even though he just walked out of the house? What? Okay. Virginia changes her tune when she realizes he was just asking if she wanted to tag along like a little sister, and makes the excuse that she has to bake cookies with her mom. She immediately kicks herself for making herself sound like a loser. To compound this, she tells him to be sure to let her know who hits a homer. At the basketball game. Yeah. I guess we all know who isn’t rounding the bases with Jake, huh?

To really bring it all home, Virginia then picks up a grocery bag that rips through and smashes eggs all over the floor. A+, well done, V. If I liked you at all I would sympathize, but you kind of suck, so I’m laughing at you instead.

In her room, Virginia looks at the Heart to Heart letters, and empathizes with Desperate. “My heart aches, too,” she mutters. We find out that she was able to answer three or four letters like Kim always did, and Kim also would privately answer the letters she didn’t have room for in the paper. There’s a heart-shaped (mail)box affixed to the side of the Bungalow for this very purpose. Doesn’t seem very anonymous, but okay.

Virginia answers the letter from Desperate, telling them that she’s known heartache, too, and maybe this boy doesn’t know how Desperate feels, so she should tell him. And remember that no matter what he says, Desperate is a good person.

Mmm. Debatable.

Trip calls and wants to know why Virginia isn’t at the Big Game, then goes on to tell her that she should be there, because Kim has disappeared. People are saying she ran away. I’m not sure why this would necessitate Virginia being at the game? But then he goes on to say there’s something really weird at the Bungalow and he can’t describe it. Dude. You work for the newspaper; your whole job is describing things! (Okay, okay, he’s the political cartoonist. Whatever.)

She thinks about how she used to have a crush on Trip in Sophomore year, and that she was attracted to his wacky sense of humor. But he insists he’s not joking now, so she promises to get there as soon as she can. Which isn’t as soon as she’d like, because her parents insist she’s not leaving without eating dinner. Parenting win?

Maybe parenting fail, since she wolfs down her spaghetti so fast I’m afraid she’s going to choke. Then she bolts, walking the three blocks to school. In the parking lot, she spots Casey Collier snuggled up to three boys instead of taking photos in the gym, and yells at her about it. And then is surprised that Casey snarks back at her. And then is further surprised that one of the boys calls her an ice queen.

Jesus Christ, Virginia has negative stores of self-awareness, doesn’t she?

She makes her way to the Bungalow, thinks someone is following her, then shrugs it off and drops her reply to Desperate in the heart-shaped (mail)box before meeting Trip inside. She gasps when she spots the matte knife stabbed into the back of the door, then Trip shows her the photo of the basketball team that’s been sliced into little pieces. Presumably with the matte knife. There are also blood spatters on the pieces of photo.

I’m honestly not sure what was so indescribable about that. I just described it. The author(s) just described it. Why the fuck couldn’t Trip describe it?

Anyway, ooh, scary. I guess.

Chapter 4 (my god, we’re only on chapter 4. Weep for me.) starts with another horoscope:

The Moon and Uranus have combined in a strange aspect, sowing confusion about your friends and their motives. You’ll have to go deep beneath the surface to figure this one out. With your obsession for detail and sharp analytical mind, you’re a born detective. Start digging, Virgo.

So . . . this horoscope is totally advocating for anal sex, right? I’m not imagining this? “The Moon and Uranus have combined in a strange aspect,” “you’ll have to go deep,” “start digging”? Or am I so bored by this book where nothing is happening that I’m just making my own fun at this point?

It’s Monday morning, and V and her friends have just finished posting the last of the thousand Missing Person flyers they printed up over the weekend. Every photo of Kim has disappeared from the school files, so they had to use an older photo from last year’s annual. I feel like I should know what that means, but I don’t. Do they mean the yearbook? Also, why aren’t Kim’s parents doing this? I bet they have current photos of her.

Oh, we do find out what state they’re in – Kansas. Makes sense since the female half of this husband-wife writing duo is from my hometown of Wichita. Represent!

Virginia tells Trip that so many odd things have happened in the last few days, it’s like their normally sane world has tilted.

HA.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

*deep breath*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Hi there, the year 2020 would like a word with you.

Also, what the fuck is this idiot talking about? Their friend maybe ran away, and someone did some really specific vandalizing of the news room. Big fucking deal. Doesn’t exactly qualify as “everything went so haywire at once,” as Trip puts it. These kids are weak little babies. They would have thrown in the towel on 2020 as soon as the murder hornets arrived. (And then dipped back out when they saw what all else was happening, I guess. Seriously, are the murder hornets doing okay?)

Virginia goes into the Bungalow and feels like something is off, but she can’t tell what. She goes outside to come back in and see if she can spot what’s wrong, and checks the heart-shaped (mail)box while she’s there. The outgoing letter to Desperate is gone, and there’s a new letter in the incoming box, written on lavender-colored paper and signed, “Nobody.” This letter writer is either really sad, or just really likes the Greek myth of Odysseus and the Cyclops.

Oh. She’s really sad. The letter is about thinking a boy liked her, but being wrong because he ignores her, and she wants to know what’s wrong with her. Oh, honey.

Virginia identifies what’s different about the room – Jo’s desk, which is usually a mess of soda cans and candy wrappers (and, from that, one would assume ants and roaches) has been cleaned up. Also, the flowers in Emily’s vase are now little rosebuds instead of violets. This means that someone has been in here over the weekend. Well, yeah, one would assume Jo and Emily, since it’s their stuff that’s changed, right?

Virginia answers the letter from Nobody, then runs into Casey when she steps outside to drop it in the box. She literally screams the word “Yikes!” at Casey as they collide, even though I’m pretty sure nobody in the history of ever has actually screamed “yikes!” at another living being.

Casey came to the office to look for film, and complains about people stealing it. Apparently there’s an epidemic of theft around the newspaper office that V was completely unaware of. She asks Casey if she cut up the photo of the basketball team, then asks if there’s anyone who would want to get revenge on her by cutting up the photo, since she was the photographer. I’m not sure that line of logic holds up at all, but it does give Casey the opportunity to talk about all the boys on the team who want to date her, and all the girls who are jealous of that. (Also, Casey makes sure to mention that she goes to the same country club as one of the boys, and now I’m sure this book actively wants me to hate everyone.)

As V tries to puzzle out why someone would cut up a photograph, the rest of the newspaper staff bust in and announce that Mr. Stevens (whoever the fuck that is) wants to see them all in the office. Wait, what office? The newspaper office? I thought this was the office.

Trip announces that “they” want to see all the back issues of the paper, and all the Heart to Heart letters Kim ever received. Since V thinks the column will be cancelled if the principal (is that who Mr. Stevens is?) sees the letter from Desperate, she hides it under her textbooks. Virginia, I have no words for you right now.

They run into Jo in the hallway, desperately digging through her locker for everything that belonged to Kim to take to the office. I guess they shared a locker. We’re told that she has a Band-Aid on her right index finger. Hark! What is this I spy? Is it a red herring?! Why yes, I do believe it is!

Jo dismisses the injury as her cat sharpening her fangs on Jo’s finger. Have had cats. Can confirm. Although it was usually their claws they decided to sharpen on me.

Oh, the office they’re going to is the principal’s office. The principal is, in fact, Mr. Stevens. The paper advisor, Ms. Burns, is there as well, and she looks like she’s been crying. Uh-oh. There’s also a woman V doesn’t recognize, who is introduced as a counselor named Ms. Denson. They ask a bunch of questions about Kim. I guess the newspaper kids were her only friends or something, because these are the only kids being questioned. Kim’s ancient green car is mentioned, even though when she was fleeing Virginia in the parking lot she was driving a red Toyota. Is someone colorblind?

The reason all the pictures of Kim were missing from the photo files was because she had asked Casey to give them all to her. No one has any idea why. No one actually knows all that much about Kim, for that matter. She was super private. Well, considering what jackasses all these characters are, I get it.

Ms. Denson finally reveals that Kim’s car was found smashed against a tree in Lyon Park in the center of town. The kids can’t believe it, since they were just there putting up flyers! It seems the car was hidden in some brush. Things were found in the car to make them believe she was scared and running from something.

After way too much burying the lede, the adults finally tell the kids that Kim was found dead behind the steering wheel. But first they let Trip humiliate himself by making insensitive comments about wanting to run away from a calculus test, because why not.

Cut to Virginia and Casey crying in the bathroom. V thinks Kim’s death was a “stupid car accident,” while Casey questions if it was suicide. V blames herself for maybe making Kim so upset she crashed her car. Then Casey provides V with a list of everyone on the basketball team. Their names were written on the back of a game program. Is . . . is that a thing? It’s not the goddamn school play, and also surely V had a way of finding out who’s on the team herself. It’s not like it’s a secret society or anything; I’m sure the information is readily available.

Virginia looks at the names and only doesn’t recognize two of them. She wonders why anyone on the team would cut up a photo that they were in, and surmises that the culprit is more likely to be someone who didn’t make the team. This is what passes for logic in this book. Don’t worry if it doesn’t make sense; I have no idea where V is coming up with this shit, either.

Ms. Burns approaches Virginia about waiting a few days to start work on the new issue, and mentions that Jo had overheard V and Kim arguing. Virginia counters that it was more of a disagreement than an argument, and goes on to say that no one would kill themselves over a disagreement. Ms. Burns is confused; who said Kim killed herself? She says it may have been something much worse, then does an “oh dear, I’ve said too much” thing and peaces out.

Somehow Virginia takes this to mean it was just a stupid accident, because Virginia is an idiot.

After school, Trip and Sam show up at V’s house to tell her that Sam’s article about the Science Club is gone. Wiped off the school computer, and someone also stole his backup disk. Well, at least someone backs up their work. Virginia suggests that he saved it under the wrong file, and Sam counters that he’s never done anything like that – he’s very careful. In fact, he always writes down what he’s named his files and where he’s saved them.

. . . what? I remember Windows 95 (assuming this is what they’re using), and this seems completely unnecessary. Also sounds like as bad an idea as writing all your passwords down – now everyone knows what your files are named and where to find them, Sam.

Additionally, Trip had the Honor Roll list on his desk, and when he came back, someone had crumpled it up and thrown it in the trash. Three points!

He adds things up on his fingers and comes up to it being a major case of sabotage! I mean, okay. Seems pretty weak, but sure. I’m desperate for literally anything to happen in this book.

The kids question why they were brought into the office to talk about Kim, and Sam reveals that the counselor, Ms. Denson, works with the police. The others are shocked, shocked I tell you! Virginia wants to figure out a connection between Kim’s death and the totally amazingly bizarre incidents taking place. I feel like we’re seriously overselling how bizarre everything is. Then again, this isn’t Point Horror, so there’s no one here to dismiss everything as wacky teen pranks.

For some reason Trip has the pieces of the cut-up basketball photo in his backpack. Yes, I totally buy this. This is totally normal and not at all contrived, no sir. They put the pieces together like a jigsaw puzzle, and come up with part of it missing. It’s extremely unclear what exactly is missing. They identify the team one member at a time, until they’re left with two names, Skip Parker and Adam Fellows. Again, I have no idea if their faces are missing, or the part of the photo they were in is gone, or what.

Anyway, V decides they need to compare those two names to the rest of the totally bizarre incidents to see if there’s any overlap with either of them. And then try to figure out what it has to do with Kim.

As the boys are leaving, Trip hands V a Heart to Heart letter he fished out of the box at the Bungalow. It’s marked “Top Secret.” For some reason V identifies it as a letter from Desperate before she even opens it. I’m not sure why, since it’s not even signed from Desperate. This letter reads:

Dear Heart,

Dingdong the witch is dead. Now she calls the grave her bed. She did us all a favor.

~ Happy?

Virginia drops the letter and moans that this person is a total sicko.

Ya think?

Chapter 6 opens with another horoscope, but since I’m bored and it doesn’t contain anything I can turn into a joke about anal (trust me, I tried), I’m skipping it.

Virginia has written a response to Desperate which is basically that she’s not happy about Kim, don’t write her again, get psychiatric help. Fair enough.

In the Bungalow, Virginia looks for the Honor Roll list on Trip’s desk, but can’t find it. Emily comes in and we find out school is cancelled for Kim’s funeral tomorrow. Really? Okay. Also, love is on the horizon for Virgos, which makes V question the veracity of Emily’s horoscopes since she’s a total loser at love. Because all Virgos are exactly the same, you know.

Emily has a bandage on her hand – Red Herring #2? She claims she cut it on a broken glass. Cannot confirm. I’m a careful bitch when handling broken glass.

Then Sam walks in with not one, but two computer disks, claiming whoever trashed his article has a surprise coming. Apparently he doesn’t trust his work to one, or even two backup disks. Except, you have two backup disks right there? Also, why wasn’t this mentioned earlier? Weren’t you digging in the trash for a paper copy? I’m so confused.

Oh. No. That was Jo, when her computer crashed. Sam had his article trashed and the first backup disk stolen. In my defense, this book is very boring and my brain has decided not to retain any information about it between recapping sessions.

Moving on.

Sam prints out a hard copy for Virginia so that she can start keeping the articles at her house, where they’ll be “safe.” Yeah, cuz no one ever breaks into anyone’s home in these books, nope, not at all. She hears the hinges on the mailbox and runs outside, scaring the fuck out of some blond girl who runs away. The box is empty, and for some reason V decides that this must be Desperate. You know, because it’s not like she’s getting Heart to Heart letters from anyone else in school. *slams head into laptop*

Sam identifies her as Alice Monroe, a sophomore in his and Emily’s Spanish class. Wait, aren’t they upperclassmen? Why is there a sophomore in their –

Ah, fuck it.

Emily describes her as “strange” because she doesn’t answers questions or practice conversational drills in class. So strange. Holy shit, just call her Doctor Strange! (I just rewatched Infinity War earlier today, and I’m still snickering every now and then at Tony’s explanation of the Thanos situation to Peter – “Uh, he’s from space, he came here to steal a necklace from a wizard.” No real point to this aside, other than Doctor Strange may be my next MCU rewatch, and also this book is fucking boring and I’d rather be thinking, doing, and talking about literally anything else.)

Trip shows up, along with Casey, meaning Virginia can finally get the Honor Roll list from him. Also, Casey mentions doing a memorial article for Kim, but they don’t have any photos of her – even the group shots she was in have disappeared. Emily supplies that she may have some personal photos from the Back to the 60s Day, whatever that may be.

V compares the Honor Roll list to Sam’s Science Club article, and the same two names from the sportsball team jump(shot) out at her – Skip Parker and Adam Fellows. She can picture Skip, but has no idea who the fuck Adam is.

I’m still annoyed that this weird leap in logic is actually going to pay off. Like, it shouldn’t make any sense in a real world setting, but of course V’s instincts are dead-on because that’s the way it’s written. Fuck sake.

On her way out the door to lunch, the letter Virginia hid the day before falls out of her textbooks. It’s another one from Desperate – He’s disappearing slowly. First his name, then his face. Soon he’ll be gone without a trace.

Why do all the homicidal teenagers in these books insist on expressing themselves through dismal poetry?

Virginia, apparently for the first time ever, thinks that Desperate might want to hurt this boy. She is convinced it’s either Skip or Adam. You know, because a picture they were in was destroyed and lists with their names on them have been . . . temporarily misplaced. That’s how the Mafia disappears people, right?

She makes the additional leap that either Skip or Adam dated Desperate and then dumped her, and it made her go a little funny in the head. Oh, so the Leo book was a direct rip-off of All About Eve, and this one is Fatal Attraction? Cool. I’d rather be watching either one of those movies. And I don’t really care for Fatal Attraction, in all honesty.

She rushes off to the cafeteria to warn Skip. Or Adam. Or both of them. She starts with Skip, since she actually knows what he looks like. She discovers that he didn’t know Kim (I have no idea where Kim fits into this theory of hers, btw), and also has a girlfriend of two years. She immediately dismisses him as the boy who dated and dumped Desperate, because no guy has ever cheated on his girlfriend in the history of ever. Additionally, no girl has ever fixated on and built up a fantasy relationship that didn’t match reality.

Also, both Skip and the girlfriend, Kathy, have been accepted at KSU. Since this is Kansas, I can’t figure out what university we’re talking about here. There’s Kansas State University, known as K-State; and there’s the University of Kansas, known as KU. There is no university we refer to as KSU. I’m assuming they mean K-State, but like, KSU isn’t what any Kansan calls it. Shame on you, Jahnna.

Virginia asks Skip to point out Adam Fellows to her, but he’s not there. Then Skip’s sportsball buddies give him shit about talking to a girl, and tease him that Kathy’s gonna be steamed. Really? Because he spoke to another human female? Kathy sounds like a jealous girlfriend; are we sure she isn’t the one sending threatening letters?

Literally none of this occurs to Virginia, and we never see Kathy on-page.

She gets the bright idea to go to the office and get Adam’s class schedule from the school secretary. Shockingly, this works. Fuck privacy, I guess. She posts up outside one of his classes and asks a student named Kirk to point Adam out to her. Kirk jokes that she should forget Adam and do a story on him – he was abducted by aliens! V counters that “You are an alien,” but at first I misread this as “You ate an alien,” and honestly that would be a much more interesting story. Also, I really need a new glasses prescription.

Virginia decides Kirk isn’t being helpful and asks some other member of the sportsball team to tell her who Adam is. He’s apparently not in class today, so she goes back to the office and convinces the secretary to give her Adam’s home address, even though the secretary tells her this is not only against school policy, but also illegal.

This isn’t Point Horror, but it might as well be for how much of a shitshow the adults are.

Virginia realizes Adam’s address is only four blocks away from her house, but instead of cutting the rest of her classes, she stays in school for the next three hours in agony at having to wait to talk to Adam. I dunno, it’s weird that she was in such a hurry, then she’s all LOL nope, I’ll wait through the rest of school like a good little girl!

When Virginia finally makes it to Adam’s house, a guy so gorgeous he immediately makes her forget all about Jake’s baggy tweeds answers the door. She thinks that he can’t go to Fairview, she would have noticed him! Everyone would have noticed him! ALL THE PANTIES WOULD BE WET, GODDAMMIT.

He confirms that he is, in fact, Adam. Virginia talks her way into the house by claiming she’s talking to all the basketball players for the paper, and he claims to be the head benchwarmer. There are moving boxes all around being unpacked, and his younger siblings running around. Adam claims to not have been able to meet many people since school and basketball practice take up so much time, and V wonders when he would have found the time to date and dump a homicidal poet.

She finds out he moved here from Georgia in October, then the younger siblings (whom he adores, and they love him, too; it’s really quite sweet. Maybe I don’t hate everyone in this book after all) start throwing stuffed animals at the door and shrieking and giggling at them, so they leave to go to Ziggy’s pizza place, where it will be “quieter.” That’s in quotes because it’s the local teen hangout, and therefore I have serious doubts that it’ll be less distracting than three rambunctious siblings, but sure.

In the car, Virginia grills him some, finding out the only sort-of friend he’s made was his former neighbor at the duplex they lived in for the first couple of months they’ve been in town. She finds out incidentally that he’s a Leo. Hello, other horoscope twin! Also, he very much thinks she’s flirting with him. Which, honestly, she probably is. And she hasn’t even started asking him about girlfriends yet!

They arrive at Ziggy’s, and V spots Alice Monroe, Red Herring #3, and the girl who will proceed to be demonized until the real killer is unmasked. She says hi, and thinks that Alice didn’t seem surprised to see her or Adam there, therefore jumping to the conclusion that Alice could have been watching and following them. HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE, VIRGINIA? WHY THE FUCK SHOULD THIS GIRL BE SURPRISED TO SEE TWO KIDS FROM HER SCHOOL AT THE PLACE WHERE ALL THE KIDS FROM HER SCHOOL HANG OUT?!

Adam says he knows Alice “a little,” but before Virginia can ask invasive questions he opens the door to the VERY FUCKING NOISY restaurant. Kids from the paper are there, including Casey, who loudly announces that she never thought she’d see Virginia Wells out with a boy! LMFAO, but also fuck off, Casey.

Trip rocks up to talk briefly about the tribute to Kim, then V finds out that she was one of the few people Adam had met. He rescued her one snowy day when her car slid off the road and he gave her a ride. Virginia starts asking about girlfriends – none. She thinks that that can’t be right; someone as sensitive and good-looking as him must be dating someone!

Yes, yes, thank you, I hate the “OMG hot person can’t possibly be single!” trope. It’s just . . . exhausting. Not to mention shallow. There also always seems to be a tinge of “there must be something wrong with you” attached to it as well. I mean, god forbid a hot person dare to feel like a complete person without a significant other. Also, asexual people exist. Even *gasp* hot people can be asexual!

At least I’m not bored when I’m raging at something.

I lied. This is still boring.

“Hey Jude” starts playing on the jukebox, and the entire restaurant starts singing along, because that’s a thing the hip 90s teens are into, I guess. Wait. I was a hip 90s teen! And I’m pretty sure I couldn’t have done a Beatles sing-along at that age. I probably could have stumbled my way through a passable rendition of “Shoop,” though. (“Here I go, here I go, here I go again, girls, what’s my weakness?” ” . . . Captain America ripping logs apart with his bare hands?” ” . . . eh, close enough.”)

Adam turns the questions back around on Virginia, asking who she dates, and having his own “hot person can’t be single OMFG” moment when she tells him no one. She thinks that he can’t possibly be the guy Desperate is targeting, because he hasn’t dated anyone! You know, because again, obsessed stalkers who make up whole relationships in their head certainly don’t exist or anything. Adam notices that Virginia suddenly looks disappointed, and when he asks why, she says she thinks she got the wrong guy. He sadly mutters “Story of my life,” and V doesn’t bother to correct his misunderstanding of the situation, because Virginia makes poor life choices.

We’re almost two-thirds of the way through this book, by the way. I just wanted you to be aware of how much nothing is happening here.

Sometime that night (I guess), Virginia is awakened by a noise outside. We’re told that hail is hitting her window, and also that she’s sleeping with the window open because otherwise she feels suffocated. I’m sure her parents just love that heating bill. Also, I hope there’s a screen on her window, because otherwise her room is full of hail and snow right now, as she describes the weather as a blizzard. (Listen, here in Kansas we usually only get hail during summer thunderstorms, so I’m not sure why there’s hail during a winter blizzard, and I am therefore very confused once again.)

She looks out the window and spots the open gate, even though she’s sure it was closed earlier, and then sees a narrow flashlight beam moving around in the front yard. A dark figure closes the gate and follows the beam of light down the street, and Virginia decides against waking up her parents, already thinking that maybe she imagined it. Dude. If there’s so much snow on the ground, there are probably footprints. I think someone creeping around your yard at three-thirty in the morning merits waking up the parents.

The next day, Virginia dresses for Kim’s funeral, and her mom calls up to her that she’s got a note. It was left under the doormat on the porch, so I guess now we know what the mysterious figure was doing last night. V’s mom asks if it’s from an admirer while wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. Mom. Stop.

It is not from an admirer. Virginia recognizes the envelope as the type that Desperate uses. No additional description, so I have no clue what’s so distinctive about a goddamn envelope. It’s the 90s, so maybe it’s Lisa Frank stationery, complete with brightly colored unicorns and rainbows.

Anyway, the letter reads:

Stay away from him, bitch.

Or what happened to Kim will happen to you.

cappylanguage

Wow. Cursing in a 1990s YA thriller? I am scandalized, y’all.

Also, I’m sad we’ve moved away from the terrible poetry. Presumably Desperate was too incensed to focus on her rhymes.

Virginia wonders if the “him” is Adam, then clocks that maybe, just possibly, Desperate had something to do with Kim’s death. She thinks maybe she should tell her mom about the threats and the intruder sneaking around leaving threats in the middle of the night, then decides against it because Mom is running late for a work meeting.

I think death threats take priority here, Ginny.

Oh, and Virginia is still convinced Adam lied to her about dating and dumping someone, because Virginia is determined to make me scream internally for the remaining *checks book**does math* 65 pages.

Like, does she think all stalkers have actually dated the victim of their stalking? I just . . . ugh, this idiot child.

Virginia decides she needs to talk to Adam and tell him what’s going on, and maybe shock him into admitting he’s dated someone since moving here. Excuse me while I simultaneously facepalm, slam my head into the keyboard, and jump into the book to slap the shit out of Virginia.

She gets Adam on the phone after dealing with one of the little siblings, and recaps the totally bizarre and not at all overblown events of the book up til now. Adam has no idea what it has to do with him, and V starts getting frustrated, even though she’s the dumbass who isn’t actually explaining what any of it has to do with him. And at this point, I wouldn’t be able to follow her logic if I were him, either. Hell, I’ve been reading her thought process, and I’m still not sure I understand how she’s coming to these ridiculous conclusions.

Virginia asks him again if he’s sure he hasn’t dated anyone since moving here, and he says no, then lowers his voice sexily and adds, “except for you.” Before V can come up with a suitable reply, Trip is in her driveway honking his car horn to take her to the funeral. Adam and V agree to talk after the funeral, and V hangs up wondering why she didn’t just tell Adam about the notes. You know, the actually threatening part of the story thus far?

On the way to the funeral, Trip and Virginia both state that this is their first funeral. Hmm. By the time I was their age, I had been to the funerals of both my great-grandmas. I mean, good for them if they haven’t had any family members or anyone else die in their lifetimes.

Trip can’t believe Kim’s car was just in the middle of the park all weekend, since he and others had been all around the area putting up Missing Person posters. Well, to be fair, it does sound like the killer tossed a couple branches over the car to hide it. A+ camouflage job there, Killer. Also, Trip seems to think she might still be alive if someone had found her earlier.

Um, when are these kids going to be told that it was murder? There are less than sixty pages left in the book, and we haven’t even officially been told that Kim was murdered. God this pacing is a mess.

They meet up with the other newspaper kids in the church. Casey wants to take photos of the flower arrangements but doesn’t want to photograph the casket, and Emily has written a two-page poem in alexandrines that she thinks should run on the front page. Way to make it all about you, Emily.

Virginia spots Adam looking super hot, but before she can get his attention, Ms. Denson pulls her off to return the antique locket Kim had stolen from her. Apparently Kim was a bit of a klepto, and had a box in her car full of other people’s stuff that she’d stolen. The police are now returning everything to the rightful owners, but Ms. Denson wants to know who else might have known about Kim’s sticky fingers.

V is shocked, and asks if Ms. Denson thinks Kim committed suicide because of her “problem.”

Okay, listen you dimwit, people have already told you that it wasn’t suicide, have in fact been shocked and confused the last time you asked about suicide, so WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP ASSUMING IT’S SUICIDE, ESPECIALLY AFTER YOU RECEIVED A NOTE THAT BASICALLY TOLD YOU THAT IT WAS MURDER?!

Meet Virginia. She’s a fucking idiot.

Ms. Denson unfortunately does not rant at V, but does tell her that as of this morning Kim’s death has been ruled a homicide. Virginia gasps, “Homicide! You mean, murder?”

VIR. GIN. IA.

During the service, she continues to think that Desperate must have killed Kim because of Adam, and Adam lied to her about knowing Kim and dating Desperate, and everyone lies.

VIR. GIN. IA.

(I literally do not have words for how infuriating this is. Why do authors do this? Do they think their readers are as stupid as they’ve made their protagonists, or what? Stop insulting the intelligence of your readers, goddamn.)

As the service is ending, Adam speaks to both Emily and Casey, using their names, which makes Virginia question how he knows them. He counters that everyone knows Casey, she practically lives with the basketball team. And Emily was his neighbor when he lived in the duplex. Then he also talks to Jo, and wouldn’t you know it, when he helped Kim out after her car went off the road, she called Jo to pick her up. They all ended up having Thanksgiving leftovers with Adam and Emily’s families.

At the graveside service after the funeral proper, V spots red herring Alice Monroe, then finds a note in her own bag. No envelope this time, but it’s written on “the computer paper that Desperate always used.” What? No, seriously, what? Computer paper is not distinct in any way, what the actual fuck are you talking about? Anyway, this one is handwritten and says, “That’s it, two strikes and you’re out.”

Looks like Virginia isn’t the only one around here who doesn’t understand baseball.

We jump chapters, and now V is several hundred feet away from the graveside with Adam. She looked like she was going to faint (because wimmin be faintin’! Hey, it’s been a while since we pulled that one out!), so he carried her away from the crowd.

She fucking finally tells him about Desperate, and the letters, and the convoluted way she’s connected him to this whole thing (and adds that Skip can’t be the boy Desperate is after, because it HAS TO BE A BOY DESPERATE DATED AND NO ONE HAS EVER CHEATED ON A GIRLFRIEND EVER IN ALL OF HISTORY). Adam is still skeptical because he hasn’t even dated anyone in town!

mushroomcloudexplosion

Seriously, though, why is everyone so stupid?

Virginia quotes all the notes at him, then reveals that Kim’s death was murder, which earns yet another shocked reaction from Adam. No! Murder? Impossible! Then they finally realize that people can interpret things differently and read things into things that aren’t there, and they start thinking about anyone that may have built up a relationship with Adam in her mind.

Virginia spots scapegoat Alice Monroe leaving the service and they literally embark on a car chase even though Adam doesn’t think he knows her. Oh, her locker is close to his, and he smiles and says hello to her, but surely she hasn’t interpreted that as a relationship, has she? After all, she’s only a sophomore!

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?! ARE STALKERS ONLY ALLOWED TO BE THE SAME AGE AS YOU?!

Also, she’s not goddamn Desperate.

They chase her station wagon (that’s right, this Fast & Furious sequel is brought to you by a fucking station wagon) to the high school, and then discover they have no brakes. Adam manages to crash over a bike rack to bring the car to a halt, sees that the brake lines are cut, and now he fully believes Virginia instead of thinking she’s being paranoid.

They hide and spy on Alice, who is dropping another letter in the heart-shaped (mail)box on the side of the Bungalow. Thankfully they don’t confront her, but wait for her to leave before retrieving the letter. But oh, what’s this? She’s not Desperate after all! She’s Nobody!

Whoops. Hello, square one, nice to see you again.

They hang out in the Bungalow and try to logic out who Desperate could be. Adam finally suggests she must work on the paper, since the office wasn’t broken into, and V seems shocked that one of her staff might be Desperate. Fucking really? Because earlier they were some of your prime suspects, you fucking twit.

Consistency. It’s all I ask. I never get it, but damned if I don’t keep asking.

They study the notes and Adam points out that they’re all on computer paper, so who has a computer at home?

Oh. Right. 1995. I’d had a home computer for a little over a year at that point, and we were strictly lower-middle class at best, but I guess we were probably an outlier.

Anyway, Casey has a computer at home, and they call her (wasn’t everyone still at the funeral like five minutes ago? Why is she home already?) to surreptitiously find out . . . I dunno. Something about her printer? I honestly have no idea what the plan is here, but they find out that she has an old dot-matrix (as most of us did in the mid-nineties; anything else was prohibitively expensive) that is a piece of shit and she prints out everything at school if she wants it to be legible.

Why didn’t it occur to them earlier that Desperate could be printing her notes at school?

Virginia remembers that both Jo and Emily had bandages on their hands, and could have cut themselves when they were slicing up the sportsball team photo. Then Sam walks in, somehow causing Virginia to spill tea down her front. I have no idea how this happens, other than to give V an excuse to be a clumsy bitch for no goddamn reason, but what do we expect from someone who goes around screaming “YIKES!” in people’s faces?

They ask Sam if Jo or Emily has bought a new home computer recently, and Sam points out that it’s a moot point because the note V is waving around was printed from one of the printers in the Bungalow. There’s a tell-tale glitch in the way it prints the second line.

Because one of Sam’s character traits is “computer guy,” he’s able to check the logins to see who used the computers at the times Virginia thinks the letters would have been written. At first there’s nothing there, but then Sam realizes it was erased and he can retrieve the data. While he’s doing this, something slams into the outside of the Bungalow, and Virginia starts to smell something strange.

Sam dismisses it as leftover cleaning product smells from the janitor. Apparently another of Sam’s character traits is “oblivious to obvious danger.”

Dude, someone is obviously about to set y’all on fire. And it’s not me, for a change.

Sam explains about his program to track everyone’s sign ins on the computer, but then demands to know what he’s looking for and why. They waste more time explaining to him, as the definitely-a-fire-accelerant smell gets stronger. Virginia finally identifies it as paint thinner, but Sam again dismisses it as the janitor cleaning paint brushes. Bruh. Seriously?

Virginia asks Adam if it comes down to Jo or Emily, which one of them might possibly think she had dated him?

Gee, I don’t know, maybe the one who lived next door and was constantly hanging out with him in her secret garden?

Yup, it’s Emily.

Emily busts into the Bungalow, silver Zippo lighter held aloft, and super villain monologues at us for a while. She knew about Kim’s thieving ways and was tormenting her about the stealing. She chased Kim to the park, where Kim apparently ran herself off the road. All Emily did was cover the car up and not help Kim. Oh, so I guess Kim was still alive, and actually could have been helped if she’d been found sooner. Eh, again, this book is so boring that I didn’t even remember the specifics of Emily’s dastardly plan.

Anyway, Emily’s pissed that Adam brought Kim into their secret garden, which was their special place, dammit! And then Kim took him away from her and things were never the same! By the way, she’s referring to his family buying a house and moving out of the duplex, because somehow it makes sense to blame Kim for that?

Somehow it’s only just now that Virginia realizes Emily has poured paint thinner all around the outside of the Bungalow and could light them all on fire at any moment, despite the fact that she literally kicked the door in and held a lighter over her head like she was about to start yelling for the band to play “Freebird.”

God, why is everyone so stupid.

Oh, we were all wrong – Emily didn’t cut her hand while she was slicing up the basketball photo; she cut her hand reaching into Kim’s car after the wreck to retrieve the threatening letters she’d sent her. She burned them, just like she’s going to do to Virginia’s letters.

These idiots actually wait for Emily to start lighting shit on fire before Sam tackles her. Fucking hell. Emily drops the flaming piece of paper she’s holding directly into a puddle of paint thinner, setting the whole place ablaze.

Well, at least something’s finally happening. It only took 185 pages.

Emily’s hit her head and is nearly unconscious; flames are blocking the doorway and raging around the outside of the building, making escaping through the windows a no-go; so they decide to use the panel in the ceiling to get out onto the roof. And then what, fucking fly to safety? There are flames ringing the building.

After much drama, they manage to all climb up on desks and shit to get out onto the roof, with Adam hauling Emily around. Great, now you’re her hero. She’ll probably think you’re engaged after this.

They ready themselves to jump off the roof and as far away from the building as possible, and then . . . chapter break!

Oh no whatever happened did they survive I must know right this very moment this is so suspenseful. *yawns*

The last chapter begins with another horoscope, because honestly I’d forgotten this series is supposed to be zodiac-related. Then we start out with the text of a letter-to-the-reader column from the school paper.

Dear Readers,

A great tragedy has happened in our community. We have lost a valued friend. We shall miss Kim and never forget her winning smile and wonderful sense of humor. But we also must remember the lesson this tragedy has taught us. If you have a problem that you can’t handle – talk to someone.

We all have had bouts of loneliness and depression. Feelings that we are unloved and that the whole world is against us. But those feelings are temporary and we must not give in to them. If we find that they are ruling our life, then we should find a trusted friend, relative, or counselor to help us.

Emily Wolfe was filled with feelings she couldn’t handle alone. And because of that, Kim Keller is gone. If Kim, who had her own dark secrets, could have talked to someone, maybe things would have turned out differently.

The Heart-to-Heart column will now be handled by a professional. Someone who understands more fully the confusing feelings we all can have. Don’t be afraid to write anything you feel to her. You will always get careful, honest replies.

Thank you for your support through these difficult times. My heart is always with you.

Virginia Wells

Editor

It’s now three weeks later. The Bungalow burned to the ground; the newspaper office is temporarily being housed in the school garage. Sam is the new editor of the paper; Adam broke a leg jumping off the roof due to holding onto Emily; Emily is in the hospital “where she can’t hurt anybody anymore.” Yeah, great, I love a good “lock ’em up in the looney bin” ending. These endings are always so sensitive and nuanced.

eyeroll

Let’s see, what else? Trip is the new horoscope writer, and his sarcastic sense of humor is apparently perfect for it. Cool.

Adam asks Virginia out on an official date to Ziggy’s, the first of “hopefully many,” and then they kiss. Aw.

And we’re done.

Nostalgia Glasses Off


Am I still alive? I didn’t die of boredom? Okay. Cool.

One thought on “Recap #75 – Virgo: Desperately Yours by Jahnna N. Malcolm

  1. Pingback: Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) – Nostalgic Bookshelf

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