Featured

Welcome!

Hi, everyone! Welcome to Oh God Why?! Nostalgia Reviews! I’m your snarky recapper/reviewer, JC. I grew up on all things horror, thriller, chiller, suspense, and all combinations thereof – a healthy dose of 1990’s teen thriller novels and all manner of scary movies, but now I’m wondering: Are they as good as I remember them being? (Spoiler alert – no. No, they are not.) So join me as I recap and review the teen chillers and horror movies of my youth, and laugh along with me as I lament what bad taste 12-year-old me had.

The handy helpful Master Recap List  is posted here, containing current and future recaps.

Thanks for visiting, and if you enjoy these recaps, tell a friend, like, share, and comment.

Announcement:

This month, November 2020, I’m participating in NaNoWriMo! I’ll post my send-up of Point Horror/Fear Street-type stories on this site, chapter by chapter, just for something fun and a little different. It may affect my recapping schedule, but look for things to go back to normal in December. In the meantime, check out Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller!

Start here: Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller Chapter 1

Upcoming Recaps:

The Covenant (2006)

Girl Talk #3: The New You by L.E. Blair

Murder, She Wrote – “School for Scandal” ep. 2.4

Recap #79 – The Covenant (2006)

thecovenant

Title: The Covenant

Director: Renny Harlin

Released: Sept. 8, 2006 (USA)

Taglines: Only the power of hell can help them.

or:

To save the future, they must battle their past.

Description: Four young men who belong to a New England supernatural legacy are forced to battle a fifth power long thought to have died out. Meanwhile, jealousy and suspicion threaten to tear them apart.

Nostalgia Time!


This was one of those movies that I was never quite sure if I’d seen or not. Even after listening to the How Did This Get Made podcast’s episode on it (which I would love to link here, because they’re hilarious, but unfortunately the older episodes are behind a paywall . . . which I signed up for a free trial for so I could re-listen to the episode, because that’s just how obsessive I get about things), I still couldn’t have told you if I’d seen it or not. Everything about it is familiar, standard mid-2000s aesthetic – title is “The” followed by a noun? Check. Blue filter over everything? Check. Bunch of pretty people in their 20s playing teenagers? Check. Rob Zombie on the soundtrack? Check! Some sort of supernatural shenanigans? Check! Menacing hot boy? Check! Brooding hero? Got that, too!

Basically, even if you haven’t seen this specific movie, you’ve seen this movie.

I had not seen this specific movie, it turned out, until recently. I’d been rewatching a lot of Marvel movies, and got curious about what else Sebastian Stan had been in, and that led me to this movie. It didn’t hurt that Chace Crawford from The Boys was in it as well, although I had a lot of trouble recognizing him at first. I kept staring at him and mentally trying to add 15ish years onto him, because yeah, I didn’t start watching Gossip Girl until recently, either.

Basically, I could not tell any of these boys apart at first, and was mainly referring to them in my head as Main Guy, The Deep, Longhair, Blonde Guy, and Sebastian Stan. Then it turned out Longhair (Taylor Kitsch) was actually Gambit from X-Men Origins: Wolverine, and he was the same guy I’d been saying for literal years was an amazing Gambit and should be cast for the stand-alone movie. I watched him for an hour and a half in this movie the first time around without a single shred of recognition. I dunno, is it possible to spontaneously develop face blindness in your late thirties?

Anyway, this movie is not good. But it hits the right level of bad that makes me love it. I love screaming BUT WHAT ARE THE RULES?! at my screen as I watch. I love the terrible dialogue, and the fact that they gave Sebastian Stan some of the cringiest lines I’ve ever heard.

I love the fact that I’m bringing Dove (who has never seen this) and bat (who has watched this multiple times) [bat: “for fun”, I love shitty films like this, what can I say.] along for the ride. I’m going to be screaming about the rules, bat is going to scream about how magic works [bat: HOW DOES MAGIC WORK??!?!], Dove will (maybe?) have some lolzy fun, and it’s going to be a great time all around! [Dove: I’m here because JC and I almost always live-text our reactions to each other’s movie recommendations. I’m using “recommendation” very loosely there.]

Continue reading “Recap #79 – The Covenant (2006)”

Recap #78 – Graveyard School #27: Here Comes Santa Claws by Tom B. Stone

graveyardschoolsantaclaws

Title: Here Comes Santa Claws

Series: Graveyard School

Author: Tom B. Stone (aka Nola Thacker/D.E. Athkins)

Published: Nov. 1998

Description: This year, Santa doesn’t care if you’ve been naughty or nice!

If Kyle knows what’s good for him, he’ll block up the chimney and lock all the doors. He’ll close all the windows and turn on all the lights. He won’t go to sleep and enjoy happy dreams. And he won’t hang up his stocking. Because this year . . .

Santa Claws is coming to town.

Nostalgia Time!


So, I’d never read any of the Graveyard School books before, although I was aware of them from my buddy Jude Deluca’s recaps of them over at the Devil’s Elbow site. For Christmas this year, Jude sent me this one, and I knew immediately I was going to recap it.

This might not be the best place to start reading this series, as it’s actually the penultimate book in the series, and since it takes place over Christmas vacation, we don’t get to meet the other kids who go to Graveyard School (Grove Hill School) with Kyle, except for his friend Park Addams. But hey, it’s Christmas, and I think even bottle episodes of Graveyard School are lots of fun!

Continue reading “Recap #78 – Graveyard School #27: Here Comes Santa Claws by Tom B. Stone”

Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller Epilogue (NaNoWriMo Project)

fowlintentionscoverdove
Cover by Dove (SweetValley.Online)

Note: Welcome to my first ever attempt at a NaNoWriMo project! I’m going to post this here, one chapter at a time as I write it, with minimal editing (yikes!), for maximal amusement. Me being me, and this site being what it is, this story is going to be a parody/satire/send-up of the types of books I recap here. Please enjoy the ridiculousness.

Description: Sarah Craig just moved to the town of Shady Point, where things are a little different than she’s used to. More school dances than you can shake a stick at; strange “accidents,” threatening poetry, and a stalker who likes to wear a turkey costume. This Thanksgiving, the teens of Shady Point are going to be scared . . . out of their gourds!

Final Count: 54,308/50,000 words

Chapter 12345678910111213141516171819202122232425, 26

Additional Note: Yep, we ran into December, but it’s finally done!

Continue reading “Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller Epilogue (NaNoWriMo Project)”

Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller Chapter 27 (NaNoWriMo Project)

fowlintentionscoverdove
Cover by Dove (SweetValley.Online)

Note: Welcome to my first ever attempt at a NaNoWriMo project! I’m going to post this here, one chapter at a time as I write it, with minimal editing (yikes!), for maximal amusement. Me being me, and this site being what it is, this story is going to be a parody/satire/send-up of the types of books I recap here. Please enjoy the ridiculousness.

Description: Sarah Craig just moved to the town of Shady Point, where things are a little different than she’s used to. More school dances than you can shake a stick at; strange “accidents,” threatening poetry, and a stalker who likes to wear a turkey costume. This Thanksgiving, the teens of Shady Point are going to be scared . . . out of their gourds!

Progress: 53,985/50,000 words

Chapter 12345678910111213141516171819202122232425, 26

Additional Note: Yes, it’s now December. I hit 50k words in November to fulfill NaNo, and now we’re into additional word count!

Continue reading “Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller Chapter 27 (NaNoWriMo Project)”

Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller Chapter 26 (NaNoWriMo Project)

fowlintentionscoverdove
Cover by Dove (SweetValley.Online)

Note: Welcome to my first ever attempt at a NaNoWriMo project! I’m going to post this here, one chapter at a time as I write it, with minimal editing (yikes!), for maximal amusement. Me being me, and this site being what it is, this story is going to be a parody/satire/send-up of the types of books I recap here. Please enjoy the ridiculousness.

Description: Sarah Craig just moved to the town of Shady Point, where things are a little different than she’s used to. More school dances than you can shake a stick at; strange “accidents,” threatening poetry, and a stalker who likes to wear a turkey costume. This Thanksgiving, the teens of Shady Point are going to be scared . . . out of their gourds!

Progress: 51,252/50,000 words

Chapter 123456789101112131415161718192021222324, 25

Additional Note: Yes, it’s now December. I hit 50k words in November to fulfill NaNo, and now we’re into additional word count!

Continue reading “Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller Chapter 26 (NaNoWriMo Project)”

Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller Chapter 25 (NaNoWriMo Project)

fowlintentionscover

Note: Welcome to my first ever attempt at a NaNoWriMo project! I’m going to post this here, one chapter at a time as I write it, with minimal editing (yikes!), for maximal amusement. Me being me, and this site being what it is, this story is going to be a parody/satire/send-up of the types of books I recap here. Please enjoy the ridiculousness.

Description: Sarah Craig just moved to the town of Shady Point, where things are a little different than she’s used to. More school dances than you can shake a stick at; strange “accidents,” threatening poetry, and a stalker who likes to wear a turkey costume. This Thanksgiving, the teens of Shady Point are going to be scared . . . out of their gourds!

Progress: 48,870/50,000 words

Chapter 1234567891011121314151617181920212223, 24

Additional Note: Yes, it’s now December. The writing got done in November, but I got behind on the posting.

Continue reading “Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller Chapter 25 (NaNoWriMo Project)”

Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller Chapter 24 (NaNoWriMo Project)

fowlintentionscover

Note: Welcome to my first ever attempt at a NaNoWriMo project! I’m going to post this here, one chapter at a time as I write it, with minimal editing (yikes!), for maximal amusement. Me being me, and this site being what it is, this story is going to be a parody/satire/send-up of the types of books I recap here. Please enjoy the ridiculousness.

Description: Sarah Craig just moved to the town of Shady Point, where things are a little different than she’s used to. More school dances than you can shake a stick at; strange “accidents,” threatening poetry, and a stalker who likes to wear a turkey costume. This Thanksgiving, the teens of Shady Point are going to be scared . . . out of their gourds!

Progress: 46,370/50,000 words

Chapter 12345678910111213141516171819202122, 23

Additional Note: Yes, it’s now December. The writing got done in November, but I got behind on the posting.

Continue reading “Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller Chapter 24 (NaNoWriMo Project)”

Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller Chapter 23 (NaNoWriMo Project)

fowlintentionscover

Note: Welcome to my first ever attempt at a NaNoWriMo project! I’m going to post this here, one chapter at a time as I write it, with minimal editing (yikes!), for maximal amusement. Me being me, and this site being what it is, this story is going to be a parody/satire/send-up of the types of books I recap here. Please enjoy the ridiculousness.

Description: Sarah Craig just moved to the town of Shady Point, where things are a little different than she’s used to. More school dances than you can shake a stick at; strange “accidents,” threatening poetry, and a stalker who likes to wear a turkey costume. This Thanksgiving, the teens of Shady Point are going to be scared . . . out of their gourds!

Progress: 43,958/50,000 words

Chapter 123456789101112131415161718192021, 22

Additional Note: Yes, it’s now December. The writing got done in November, but I got behind on the posting.

Continue reading “Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller Chapter 23 (NaNoWriMo Project)”

Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller Chapter 22 (NaNaWriMo Project)

fowlintentionscover

Note: Welcome to my first ever attempt at a NaNoWriMo project! I’m going to post this here, one chapter at a time as I write it, with minimal editing (yikes!), for maximal amusement. Me being me, and this site being what it is, this story is going to be a parody/satire/send-up of the types of books I recap here. Please enjoy the ridiculousness.

Description: Sarah Craig just moved to the town of Shady Point, where things are a little different than she’s used to. More school dances than you can shake a stick at; strange “accidents,” threatening poetry, and a stalker who likes to wear a turkey costume. This Thanksgiving, the teens of Shady Point are going to be scared . . . out of their gourds!

Progress: 41,936/50,000 words

Chapter 1234567891011121314151617181920, 21

Continue reading “Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller Chapter 22 (NaNaWriMo Project)”

Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller Chapter 21 (NaNoWriMo Project)

fowlintentionscover

Note: Welcome to my first ever attempt at a NaNoWriMo project! I’m going to post this here, one chapter at a time as I write it, with minimal editing (yikes!), for maximal amusement. Me being me, and this site being what it is, this story is going to be a parody/satire/send-up of the types of books I recap here. Please enjoy the ridiculousness.

Description: Sarah Craig just moved to the town of Shady Point, where things are a little different than she’s used to. More school dances than you can shake a stick at; strange “accidents,” threatening poetry, and a stalker who likes to wear a turkey costume. This Thanksgiving, the teens of Shady Point are going to be scared . . . out of their gourds!

Progress: 39,675/50,000 words

Chapter 123456789101112131415161718, 19, 20

Continue reading “Fowl Intentions aka Not Another Teen Thriller Chapter 21 (NaNoWriMo Project)”